Some relationships are just HARD!!

Earlier this week I was struggling to maintain gracious and loving feelings toward a certain person.

We’re not that close of friends anyway; but we do see each other on a regular basis and because of the nature of our relationship, I truly am called to love and support her.

BUT … there is a constant thread of sorrow and rejection associated with this relationship for me. In fact, years ago, this person just came out and told me that she would never give me another opportunity to serve with her again. That, based on my behavior in the past, her mind was completely made up and there was no changing it. She “loved me,” but she would never even consider letting me be a part of her ministry again.

I was devastated. Even my husband was (and is) stunned by the lack of forbearance and grace. We just can’t imagine why a Christian would “write someone off” like that and just give me absolutely no opportunity to grow in sanctification, maturity, etc.

BUT … isn’t that just the way relationships are sometimes?

– Someone in the church is so COMPLETELY committed to … (fill in the blank) … the he won’t tolerate ANY discussion on the matter and he SUMMARILY rejects anyone who has a different conviction;

– You sense a distance between you and a friend, so you gently go to try to talk it through. What you receive is an earful of condemnation, graceless criticism, and judgmental meanness;

– Try as you might, your (parents, brothers, sisters) just have no interest in developing a real relationship with you and your family. To paraphrase that famous dating book that came out a couple of years ago, “They’re just not that into you!” Your kids don’t matter to them; your life isn’t interesting to them; they don’t care to share their lives with you.

(Not to put too bleak a spin on it all–for aren’t we all so incredibly grateful for the fun, redemptive, loving, God-honoring, WONDERFUL relationships in our lives too?)

BUT … but … but …

The fact remains: Many relationships are just HARD. Sometimes people are incredibly critical or just don’t even care enough about us to be critical … we don’t even merit their disdain. Some people look at us and literally SNEER they feel so incredibly superior to us. Some women will pretend to not see us just to avoid having to say hello in Costco.

Magnifying our faults, minimizing our strengths; laughing at our struggles and haughtily celebrating how great they are … sometimes people are just not that pleasant to be around.

But here’s the thing:
 

It’s true!

To a certain extent, I can sometimes be a critical, graceless person. (I SURE am tempted to be so toward the person who is so INCREDIBLY graceless and critical of ME!!! … “Hello, pot! It’s me, kettle.”)

At times, I try to avoid people because I’d rather not deal with them. (“Ooooooh — don’t look now, but high-maintenance woman is coming this way. I just DON’T have the mental energy to deal with her right now. I think I’ll tuck into this restroom.”)

Really … truly … It helps to remember that we are just like the person who is hurting us.
We are all desperate for the Savior!

And when our areas in need of sanctification bump up against THEIR areas in need of further sanctification … well, those are exactly the times when God’s grace enables us to love God and neighbor. (We don’t FEEL like doing so, but His GRACE enables us.)

Thank God for grace! (Because relationships can just be SO hard.)
Thank God for grace! (Otherwise, we would be lost.)

I’m praying for you all today —

Your friend,
Tara B.