Suicide Survivors: “Being with Someone Grieving that Intensely is Scary, but Necessary”

I remember every time I have spoken with and prayed with someone whose life was touched by suicide (or suicide attempts). For many of these dear people, as I entered into their pain (and sometimes shared my own story of rescuing my mother from her suicide attempt when I was a young teenager), it was the first time they felt heard and understood and accepted.

I think of these conversations as “2 Corinthians 1” moments:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV

In this article, Pastor Robert Cheong explains why (and how) his church comes alongside of “survivors of suicide”:

Weeping With Those Who Weep

A few of my favorite excerpts:
 

Suicide survivors are in desperate need of support. Candy Arrington, co-author of Aftershock: Help, Hope and Healing in the Wake of Suicide, described a suicide survivor’s emotional turmoil as something similar to an earthquake registering off the Richter scale. Life changes in an instant with an event that opens the earth in a yawning chasm. And as with the survivors of an actual earthquake, suicide survivors are in shock, simply existing in the wake of destruction.

Brian Keay, a former counselor with Freedom in Christ Ministries who holds a master’s in family counseling, thinks the church needs to be more involved in the grieving process and offer better support for suicide survivors:

“I think it can be a little scary for churches to get involved with this kind of issue,” he said. “They’re told it’s a counseling issue, and not to get into that. But the body of Christ is the ultimate family and it’s something the body should get involved with.”

… Robert Cheong, the lead counseling pastor of Sojourn Church in Lousville, Ky., said his ministry looks to care for suicide survivors with the gospel much in the same way it cares for anyone who loses a loved one. With a suicide survivor, he tries to address any shame or stigma associated with suicide and answer concerns regarding salvation for the one who committed suicide. He also tries to ensure ongoing support from family and friends, who often struggle with anger and a sense of betrayal. He even watches for any expressions of a desire to follow suit and equips the survivors to minister to one another in the days and months to follow:

… “As with any forms of suffering, every member of the church can love those grieving suicide well by journeying with them over the long haul, weeping, rejoicing, encouraging and fighting the good fight of faith with one another.” said Cheong, referencing 1 Timothy 6:12.

… Keay also said that on an individual level, being with someone grieving that intensely is scary, but necessary:

“When you stand with someone you are bearing their pain with them, are willing to go be part of and feel pain—that’s hard. Don’t be afraid to sit and hear people cry deeply. Don’t be afraid of that deep moaning grief. Do what God has enabled you to do.”