The Blessing of a Specific Confrontation

I learned recently that I had hurt a friend of mine years ago. I was surprised and immediately contacted her to try to work through the conflict. We had a difficult, but good, conversation and thought we had left reconciled. After a few weeks, I touched base with her again (she lives out of state so I don’t see her regularly) — just to see how we were doing and find out if there was anything further I could do to pursue peace between us.

In our second conversation, she graciously shared with me that as she reflected on the offense and our recent conversation, she realized that she did not feel completely reconciled to me. It turns out that she wishes I had, in our first conversation, specifically confessed some details to her. Sadly, I couldn’t remember the offense well enough to do so! (And generic, “blanket” confessions rarely bring about complete reconciliation.) By God’s grace, we persevered.

I asked her if she would be willing to share the specific hurt so that I could specifically confess to her. It was hard to hear, of course, and to realize the depth of the pain I had caused her. But oh what joy and true reconciliation occurred as I confessed the details, owned the pain I had caused, and asked her please to forgive me. She did!

And yet again, the gospel of Jesus Christ was remembered in this troubled life!

For every time we confess our sins and offenses, receive lavish forgiveness, and relationships are not only restored but strengthened … we remember again how good it is to be reconciled to God.

I can honestly say that every time I think of this friend now, my heart is blessed. I am eager to see her, talk with her, pray with her. Why? Because not only has she forgiven my past offenses, but her grace and mercy gives me confidence that when (wish I could say “if,” but I’m sure “when” is more accurate) I hurt her in the future, instead of running away from me or hating me, I can trust that she will come to me and give me the opportunity to specifically confess so that we can be reconciled.

Our friendship is restored because she lives out Colossians 3:13: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” How grateful I am!