The moment I probably came within four feet of being a sex trafficked teenager …

Recently, my dear friend Ellen Dykas put up a link on Facebook that rocketed me back to the early 1980’s. The article she pointed to was all about how young women become sex trafficking victims and it specifically explained to the targeted way that pimps hunt for young girls at bus stations.

Well. When I was a very young teenager. (Junior high? Maybe 13 or 14?) My mother put me on an overnight bus from Illinois to Arkansas and I have no doubt that, in addition to being molested by a dirty, disheveled, drunken man (whom I, in my naivete, just thought was being nice to me when he offered me food), I probably came within four feet of being a sex trafficked teenager. This is what happened …

Unbeknownst to me (my mother had given me no instructions or advice for how to stay safe as a child alone on an overnight bus), the bus would make periodic stops throughout the night. People would go off and on—using the restroom, getting food, exiting and entering the bus. At one stop in the late, late hours of the night (2AM? 3AM?), I remember leaning up against the bus window because I was just utterly exhausted. And lonely. And hungry. And a man—I could describe everything about him to you right now, even though this was over thirty years ago—smiled at me and waved at me and just seemed like such a nice guy.

And then he motioned for me to come towards him. Off the bus. I remember thinking, “Oh! He needs something! There is something I can do to help him!” and I stood up and started moving towards the bus door. But then, like a lightening bolt of electricity through my entire spine, and like giant hands clamping down on my shoulders, I sat back down. On the bus. I didn’t move one more foot towards the door. And then I saw the man through the window and BOY! Was he MAD. No more smiles and Mr. Nice Guy. He was gesturing and yelling and threatening me. But I just stayed in my seat. And then, after a few minutes, the bus moved on.

Interestingly, for many years after this terrible situation, I still felt guilty for not helping that man. That’s how child abuse happens, my friends! Really. It is. Children want to please adults. And when a sexual predator grooms a child? Moves into that child’s life and is such a “friend” and such a “loving person” to that child? The child REALLY wants to please that adult. And then, like clockwork, the abuse ratchets up and the guilt piles on and evil does its wicked work in shame and darkness and deception.

(And please (oh please!) before you think, “That will NEVER happen to MY child because I would never put them in such a dangerous situation!” Please remember that most child sexual abuse happens not at the hands of a stranger (a “Don’t Know” to use the term from The Safe Side Superchick program that we love!), but rather at the hands of a “Kinda Know.” Often someone who is actually trusted. Some of you may recall the post I did about my friends protecting Sophia at a farmer’s market when she was only six years old. And we intentionally talk about this stuff  in our family on a regular basis! Scary.)

I’ll sign off by pointing you to a few resources that might prove helpful to you on this (important!) subject:

• Child Abuse in the Church: Justice Can Be Grace
• Seven Questions You Should Ask About Your Church Abuse Prevention Policies
• My entire blog category: Child Protection / Abuse in the Church

 
And also by restating my “favorite” (HATE IT!! SO EVIL!!) quote on this subject …

These are the actual words of a predator—and that is a correct term because child sexual abusers prey on children. And don’t look for a shaggy, disheveled, scary looking guy. Look at the most clean-cut, correct Bible-carrying, knows all the right words, super-duper-nice guy. Listen to how one abuser explained how he targeted his victims in the church:

“First of all, you start the grooming process from day one…the children that you’re interested in…You find a child you might be attracted to…For me, it might be nobody fat. It had to be a you know, a nice-looking child…You maybe look at a kid that doesn’t have a father image at home. You know, you start deducting. Well, this kid may not have a father, or a father that cares about him. Some kids have fathers but they’re not there with them…

Say if you’ve got a group of twenty-five kids, you might find nine that are appealing…Then you start looking at their family backgrounds…Then you find out which ones are most accessible. Then eventually you get it down to the one you think is the easiest target, and that’s the one you do.”

Please, oh please! Be careful. Full of care. For most of you? More careful that you currently are.

And please also remember that God is sovereign and God is good. If you will allow me this description even though I am a frozen chosen Presbyterian gal … don’t you agree that it was God’s hand clamping down on my shoulders and keeping me on that bus all those thirty+ years ago? Even before I knew Him, he knew me. (Before the creation of the world, Ephesians 1 says!) And not a hair can fall apart from His perfect, sovereign will. Even our suffering. Even our worst suffering. Jesus has deprived the world of its power to ultimately harm us (Luke 12:4-7). Praise his blessed name!

With love and gratitude—

Your rescued friend,
Tara B.