Comparisons (Holiday Misery Part 1)

On my walk this morning, I seriously contemplated trying to be a real blogger and start this post with some sort of official, “This is the first part of a six part series on how to not be miserable during the holidays” announcement. But that would mean that I have to scope out an actual plan for these posts and I don’t see that happening any time soon.

So instead of being a super organized with-it blogger, I’m just going to jump in with a few reflections on why, it seems to me, so many of us can be tempted to misery during the holiday season. (And, of course, some encouragements to help us to instead choose contentment and joy.)

1. Comparisons
We live in a world of competition and performance, even (tragically) in the church. No one wants to look ugly, sound stupid, or be a relational flop. Even our (lovely) desires to be full of faith and love can tempt us to pride over how we get our theology right, how much we give in secret, and how simple our godly, Christ-centered celebrations are compared to the (pagan, shallow, consumeristic) traditions of people who “claim to” be Christians. Rather than heart-felt gratitude for God’s provision (Thanksgiving) and for His advent and saving grace (Christmas), holidays can tempt us to prideful comparisons if we are not careful.

In a similar vein, the holidays can also tempt us to ungrateful comparisons too. This is when we look around at all that we do have and rather than returning thanks to God and to the people who bless us tremendously, we whine and complain (and become bitter) over all that we don’t have. You know. The functional, loving, happy families that seem to surround us (in our loneliness, broken relationships, and grief). A Christian spouse. A living child. A church that isn’t splitting. The professional, financial, and ministerial successes that point fingers at our failures, weaknesses, or plateaued careers/lives. Some of us long to be married. Some of us are miserable in our marriages and dream of singleness. Some of us are quite sure that “if we only had …” financial stability; perfectly beautiful bodies, clothes, and homes … “THEN we would be happy.” Others of us long to ditch our corporate suits and try the simple, quiet, relaxed (hah!) life of homemaking and raising small children.

It doesn’t matter how much we have or what blessings our lives contain. If we do not guard our hearts, the holidays will tempt us to compare ourselves with others and focus on what we perceive as the lack. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Remember Philippians 4:11-12 & 3:8-11
 

“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need …”

“I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”

Oh, friends. I know that there is much more to be said on this topic—grieving childhood hurts, sorting out convictions regarding debatable things, navigating relational crises in which you only have influence, not power or authority to “fix”/reconcile. But we must start here. Philippians 3 & 4. An eternal perspective that values Christ and “the righteousness from God that depends on faith” more than anything else. 

This is how we turn away from misery at the holidays and every day. This is “the secret” of contentment “in whatever situation” (Philippians 4:11-12). We “count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord.” Mmmmmm. Herein lies true happiness, regardless of our circumstance.

Amen? Amen!

(And blessings, grace, peace, and joy be yours in abundance as you head into what can be a very busy/stressful season for many people, I know. I hope that this blog entry really is part 1 of a series and that I might provide some tangible, practical encouragement and helps to you. Fred, Sophia, Ella and I actually look forward to the holidays! We love Thanksgiving and advent and Sophie’s birthday and Christmas. But it hasn’t always been that way. It’s taken some concerted effort to figure out what is a good fit for our family—and our holidays look very different from how other people serve and celebrate. But these are wisdom calls and God wants us to ask for wisdom (James 1:5). So let’s pray and reflect and enjoy!)

Your friend,
Tara B.

[Re-post from 2012]