When Someone Mistreats You

Earlier this week, I was hurt by a friend. My hope and expectation was that she would demonstrate her care for me by asking about my life, giving me a quick call, or just dropping me a note to say hello. Instead, it seemed as though every interaction I had with her was “task related.” That is, she would ask me about something, for something, or just reply to kind of a work-related request of my own.

Of course, it’s nice to have people treat us well by taking an interest in our lives. But when that “good good” becomes an idolatrous demand (“You’d better treat me well or else …”), then we have a problem. When I didn’t get what I wanted — what I felt I “deserved” — I was tempted to become grouchy and stingy towards her in my heart — to withhold my love and care.

Fred encouraged me to focus on God’s lavish grace toward me and as an overflow of God’s love, seek to love this woman well. He also reminded me of how busy and stressful this woman’s life is. And then he asked me, “Tara, what are you supposed to do for someone who mistreats you?” “Pray,” I replied. “Then let’s pray for her and for your relationship with her.” And we did.

It may sound trite, but pretty much immediately, I had the urge to be the one person in this woman’s life who doesn’t demand anything from her. To just love her, encourage her, and not look for her to bless or serve me. (She gives so much to so many!) And then I took the time to drop her a note and give her a call–just to say hello, that I love you, and I am praying for you. What a difference it made in my own heart.

‘Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.’ Romans 12:10