When we are cruelly attacked by someone who SHOULD be protecting us …
I just found out that a dear friend of mine was recently verbally hurt by her dad. (Strange, because I had a stressful dream about my own dad last night and then I woke up at 6:30AM–on the EAST COAST!! so, like, 4:30 for my Montana bod–and found her email in my Inbox.)
I immediately prayed for her (of course) and tried to encourage her in an email response. (Since I didn’t think I should be calling anyone on the west coast at that hour.)
I’ve changed the name and details … but I thought that you might be helped by what I wrote too, so here it is.
Blessed Friday to you all! I’m off to speak in just over an hour.
May God be lifted up!
Your friend,
Tara B.
—————————————————-
OK. So first of all. THIS IS NOT PARANOIA.
(Eek! Sorry to use all caps. Does it sound like I’m yelling? I don’t mean that! What I mean is … I’m SO INCREDIBLY SORRY MY FRIEND HAS BEEN SO HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Dearest Carol—You have been attacked. Unjustly accused. Wrongly hurt. (By someone who SHOULD BE LAYING DOWN HIS LIFE TO PROTECT YOU!)
Something you did touched something deep in this man’s HEART.
Your words are not the CAUSE.
Your words are not the REASON.
When someone (especially a Believer! You didn’t specify, but I’m assuming you think that your dad is is saved/regenerate) … when a Christian attacks like this? Something is going on.
You are not the cause, you are the occasion.
It really doesn’t have a lot to do with you—but yes, of course you’ll shake for awhile. It’s always a SHOCK when we are attacked (especially by our FATHER!) and adrenaline is a powerful drug. That’s why you shake.
Dearest, darling friend … It will NOT always feel like this.
But it may take some serious time to get through it.
GOD WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT.
You will continue to grieve.
You may have the opportunity to Gently Restore and help this brother. You may not.
It may take months.
It may take years. (It took years for me when my pastor attacked me like this.)
But your new church will help you.
Your husband will help you.
Even your children will help you.
Most of all: God is with you!
His Spirit is alive in you!
Christ intercedes for you!
This hurts. You are right to grieve. You are suffering!
But you suffer with Hope.
If this man is not a Believer, he will go to Hell and exist eternally in suffering that would make our suffering now seem like, well, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
If he is a brother—then Christ died for THIS SPECIFIC SIN AGAINST YOU.
It will be made right, Carol.
Ultimately. One day—this injustice will be righted. But it might not happen in this life. It might—and we can pursue genuine peace as the Lord allows.
But you may just have this (crushing! painful! horrible!) crown of suffering to lay at the feet of Jesus when you get to Heaven.
To count it all joy to suffer as He suffered—cruelly attacked by even His closest friends.
You know—I once heard a Bible teacher say once that when we’re attacked, we can learn to say: ‘I pity you for your graceless criticism of me, because it reveals the appalling condition of your heart.’
Doesn’t help much when we’re in the throws of suffering!
But it’s true.
PRAISE GOD that you were saturated with Christ and did not return evil for evil!
Carol—THAT WAS AN ETERNAL VICTORY FOR CHRIST THAT GIVES TESTIMONY TO THE TRUTH OF THE GOSPEL AND LIFTS UP CHRIST!!!!!!!!
So … continue what you’re doing. (I know you know all this.)
– Worship God even through your tears.
– Do not forsake the meeting of the saints (even if you weep through every service—I’ve been there).
– Get help/accountability/counsel so that a root of bitterness does NOT well up (and give the devil a foothold).
Remember that even as AWFUL as what he did IS (and IT IS!!!), you are just as bad as this guy. You are. You think you’d never do what he’s done … but you would. You would do this, you would do worse. APART FROM CHRIST—your wretched heart is just as black and his. If there is any grace in you, it is CHRIST in you. So who are you to judge your brother?
Repent of when/if your genuine sorrow and grief turns a corner into sinful bitterness.
Repent of any thoughts that put him in a pit and you up on a pedestal.
AND RUN TO CHRIST, dear one.
He WILL help you. Comfort you. Give you what you need to walk this uphill, rocky path.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I wish I could’ve protected you. Thrown my body in front of the bullet and kept you from this horrible pain.
I wish I could make it go away.
But I know that God is with you.
And so I know that ultimately—you will be OK.
Thank you for sharing your pain with me!
I will be praying for you.
With love,
Tara
PS
When I was attacked like this, I LIVED in 1 Peter and Romans 3, 5, and 12 for a LONG time.
“For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.” 1 Peter 2:19
“So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” 1 Peter 4:19
[This is a re-post from February 23, 2007]