Why do adults throw tantrums over seemingly trivial provocations?

There is an excellent article by my friend, spiritual father, and co-author, Dave Edling, over on our Redeeming Church Conflicts blog:

What Rules Govern Your Interactions with Others? (Especially in Your Church Conflict)

In it, he cites some (perfectly fine) ideas from a Wall Street Journal article about business communication. But then he goes further—just as the gospel calls us to do. Let me tempt you with just a brief excerpt …

“If your goal is to simply not feel so bad about yourself following your behavior the researchers have some good coping tips for you:

• Picture a scenario that is likely to trigger your anger, and imagine a calm response. Think about the consequences of your anger. Anger can make you feel bad.
• Ask your spouse or significant other to help you calm down in the heat of the moment. Create a password—a hand on your arm, a funny look—that will diffuse your tension, not escalate it.
• Empathize. Remember a time when you inconvenienced someone. What’s wrong with being nice?
• Talk yourself down in the heat of the moment. Tell yourself a coping statement, like “It’s not the end of the world.” It’s important to decatastrophize the incident.
• Don’t react to rude or inconsiderate behavior. If someone cuts in front of you at the grocery it’s not about you.

 

But, if your goal is to represent the King of Kings as his new creature, then you are called to go beyond those surface-level, behavioral changes and live in line with the new heart you have been given as a forgiven, adopted, child of God.

As you intentionally remember your Lord, your identity in Him, the brevity of this life, and your future home with your eternal family in Heaven to come, your interactions with others will change at a heart-level. You will glorify God through your unity …”