Women Going with Women Before Church Leaders — “It’s just the right thing to do.”

I received this question from a blog reader and thought it might be of interest to some of my other readers, so with all identifying information removed or changed, here it is:

“Dear Tara,

Somewhere on your blog a while back, I read something about you working with the Session to help them help women. So, I thought you’d be a good person to ask …

Our women’s council would like to volunteer to work with the Session any time a woman is called before the Session. Our goal would be what I (coming from a legal/court advocacy background) consider advocacy. Some of the ladies are afraid that might sound challenging to the Session’s authority. But basically the role would be helping to mediate what the woman wants, what the Session wants and what God wants. And just to be a calming presence, as some women are understandably intimidated by being alone with a room full of men in power.

I’m not suggesting we have a vote on the Session, just that we submit insights and recommendations to the Session.

Do you have thoughts on this idea or any suggestions for how to get started?”

I wonder what the 1,000 or so of you blog readers would say to this woman? Ordained men—what would you suggest? Churchwomen—how about you?

Before responding, I did what I almost always do when I’m asked a question about the church and especially one that touches on topics covered by the PCA’s Book of Church Order … I asked Dave Edling for his advice. (Don’t you just love Dave? And the Book of Church Order? I do!)

Here is my response:

Dear Terri,

It’s great to hear from you and I appreciate your heart for the church and the women in the church too! Thanks for caring and for taking tangible steps to demonstrate that care.

Re: your questions …

Based on what you shared (and I know that is only a brief summary of your perspective) it sounds to me like you want to offer a loving option for both your ordained leaders (the Session) and any women who will come before the Session. I think that could be a wise thing for everyone involved, and I know of a number of PCA churches that pretty much make it a de facto thing … for example, even when the WIC leaders appear before the Session just to share a ministry summary or to seek the Session’s counsel on a ministry topic, etc., the Sessions encourage their women to always come at least in pairs because, as you noted, it can feel quite intimidating for one woman to be in a room full of 10 or 20 (or more) men. How much more so when the matter is a disciplinary matter and not just an administrative matter.

One of the keys, it seems to me, would be to gently engage the Session (or one or two elders who would then bring the idea before the Session) and ask them for their counsel, ideas, feedback, etc. To say it another way, rather than you (and your female friends) “announcing” that women will always come with other women (which might, it seems to me, be interpreted in a “challenging of headship” sort of way, even though it may not be meant in that way at all) … instead, ask the leaders for their thoughts. Ask them if you could share your ideas and thoughts. Pray for them. Encourage them to help you to refine your ideas so that they are the most edifying for the corporate body (the entire church) and most helpful to the men and women.

I would specifically encourage you to read the entire Book of Church Order for the PCA (BCO), including the Appendices because there is an important one on biblical conflict resolution in there, and seek help from men and women locally who understand the BCO and who have helped the leaders to implement both informal (formative) and formal (judicial) church discipline. This is especially important because of your advocacy background and your use of the term “advocate”. This is a term of art in the BCO and I don’t believe (based on what you wrote) that you are using that term in the way the BCO does. So perhaps a different term would prove more clear and more helpful?

A dear friend of mine, an ordained PCA elder, taught me that the church where he served was always sensitive to the fact that it can be very intimidating for a woman to be the only woman in the room and as a matter of course many (if not most) sessions welcome an “accompanying female friend” to be present. In fact, the session he served on always asked for such a female friend to be present. He told me, “I would weekly meet with the WIC president to plan events and appearances at session if needed and we would always ensure two or more women would come together. It was just the right thing to do.”

I hope this answers your questions well, Terri. Perhaps Jane Patete (at the PCA CE&P offices) or your local WASC Representative could help you better—and make up for any deficiencies I may have inadvertently had in my response? I know that they are far wiser and far more experienced than me when it comes to such things.

Thanks again for writing!

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.